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“How do you motivate your children?” our Sunday school teacher asked as he began the lesson a few weeks ago.
I laughed. “I don’t know, but any suggestions would be welcome!” I said.
The problem, I told the group, is that I was a self-motivated learner. (Several others expressed the same, about themselves or their children.) I loved school, and I worked hard just because I wanted to. I love to read and write – I always have – and it’s never taken any extra prompting to get me to do so. (At least, I don’t recall any. I guess I should check with Mom about my early elementary years.)
I can even think of several examples from later in my educational career – high school and college – when I did extra work just for the fun of it, not expecting to receive extra credit. Of course, any time there was stated extra credit available, I would do it.
If I needed any incentive besides just the satisfaction of the learning experience, my report card provided all that was necessary. I wanted good grades just for the grades themselves. I didn’t have an uncle paying a dollar for every A, as my brother-in-law did for many of my nieces and nephews.
But Benjamin is a different story. He does well in school, and he’s a good writer. But getting him to go to school and to do his homework, and even to read, is often a battle. “I hate school!” “I hate to read!” “I hate homework!” These refrains are heard all too often in our house.
Sometimes I think the real problem is that he doesn’t like to be told what to do and when to do it. A few weeks ago we were on a long drive with a friend and her son of similar age. The other boy brought along his own DS and one for Benjamin to use. Benjamin played for a few minutes and set it aside. A few miles down the road, I heard soft murmuring coming from the back seat. I looked back and saw that Benjamin had pulled a book from his bag and was reading to himself!
One evening recently, after struggling to get Benjamin to read his book, I finally proceeded to my portion of our evening reading routine. As I was trying to read one page in our Bible storybook, he was reading the next page out loud.
Another problem could simply be that it’s hard for Benjamin to sit still. Again, though, I think that depends on how much Benjamin wants to do the task at hand. One afternoon, as I was in the school office working on some Home and School Association matters, the principal pulled me aside to talk informally about Benjamin. He described my son as a “wiggler,” and said he needs to learn to stay in one place and focus on his work. (His teacher, however, told me that all first-grade boys are wigglers.)
That same day, at the school book fair, we purchased a book about drawing robots. When we arrived home – we’re talking immediately after a full school day – Benjamin sat at his work table and proceeded to write and illustrate an eight-page book, “Robots Alive.” (For the writing part, he dictated to me what to write.) Benjamin did not move from his seat for probably 45 minutes to an hour as he concentrated on his work. So much for the wiggling issue.
The most frustrating part for me is knowing that Benjamin is not fulfilling his potential. Both his principal and his teacher have told me that Benjamin could be doing better, that they see the possibilities in him. (Considering that all his evaluations, tests, report card, etc. already put him at least where a third-quarter first-grader is expected to be or beyond, that tells me he has the potential to really excel in school.)
The issue, they tell me, is motivation. He has to want to do well in school. In fact, at his conference, his teacher asked me, “How can we motivate him to do more?” I only wish I knew.
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